Looking for Some Great Toilet Paper Recipes?

Well, SOMEBODY must be given all the panic buying of TP. In an earlier post I noted that if even one of those UFO stories were true, COVID-19 is our big opportunity to prove to the aliens that there is intelligent life on earth.

In an earlier post I told you about the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation $100 million dollar pledge to fight COVID-19. Super job folks! (This is being typed on a Windows 10 PC, Bill.)

Other than that, we’re not off to a good start. Grocery lines are being crushed by people wiping out (pun intended) the toilet paper shelves and canned goods though there is no disruption of grocery supply chains anywhere. One I was at on Saturday had bin upon empty bin where the organic vegetables are normally found. Regular pesticide-grown produce? No problem! OK people, we know who you are. The paper goods aisle was like a scene from The Andromeda Strain. BTW, probably don’t watch that classic this week on your involuntary vacation.

And then, well, read the next paragraph with Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone voice in your head:

Consider if you will, Matt and Noah Colvin who, on the day after the first U.S. COVID-19 death, cornered the market on hand sanitizer in the Chattanooga, Tennessee area by screaming around the city and the outlying areas even into Kentucky (1300 miles our intrepid boys covered in all) to gobble up every damn bottle of hand sanitizer to be had in every Walmart, quick stop, Staples and Home Depot they could find. They now have 17,700 bottles in their garage. The darling boys then tried to sell them on Amazon for between $8 and $70 each.

Amazon shut them down. eBay followed suit with others of their twisted kind. So far, no one has nominated these crazy kids for a CNN Hero Award.

They may be inquiring of the local D.A.’s Witness Protection Program for some pointers on becoming “real small,” as if they weren’t already pretty good at that. We can only hope they used their life savings on this brilliant scheme. I suggest in the future they could talk with their neighbors and barter that stock for other essentials…like toilet paper.

But wait. There is also some encouraging news for Team Human Beings:

Athletes in the pro sports world from New Orleans Pelicans star Zion Williamson to Sergei Bobrovsky of the NHL’s Florida Panthers have stepped up to pitch in money to help cover the salaries of arena workers who have been put out of work by the shuttering of public events nationwide. The young NBA phenom Williamson said, “My mother has always set an example for me about being respectful for others and being grateful for what we have, and so today I am pledging to cover the salaries for all of those Smoothie King Center workers for the next 30 days.” Way to go, young man…we’re back in the win column.

We can all do better. Here are a few friendly suggestions:

  1. Don’t panic. And for God’s sake, ease up on the toilet paper.
  2. Call your older, sicker friends and neighbors to make sure they are OK. Maybe offer to make a grocery or pharmacy run for them. If you do, leave the goods in their garage or back porch. Use your cell to let them know you’re coming. Keep your distance—for them.
  3. Give Blood. It’s safe and it’s VITAL. Donations are down because of this but the hospitals and blood centers are open and need healthy donors.
  4. Thank any doctor or health care worker you know for what they are doing for all of us out there on the front lines.
  5. Pray the Netflix and Disney+ servers stay up through this. Think about it…

Richard A. Lee is the author of the technothriller “HIGH GROUND”

Read free sample chapters here

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